You are not your Emotions in Coaching

Oct 03, 2025

What if the emotions you feel are not who you are?

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I’m not confident” or “I’m an anxious person”? In this episode of the podcast, we explore principle two of our Six Principles of Emotion series: You are not your emotions.

So many of us, and our clients, confuse feelings with identity. We slip into patterns of speech where we equate ourselves with an emotion, making it part of who we are. This is where coaching can create powerful transformation. By helping clients separate their sense of self from the emotions they experience, we open the door to growth, choice, and freedom.

In this conversation, we reflect on how over-identifying with emotions such as anxiety, fear, or guilt can keep people stuck. We also consider how positive emotions like joy or calm can become limiting when they are tied too tightly to identity. A client might say, “I’m a calm person,” yet find themselves disturbed by stress, which creates inner conflict. Through emotions coaching, we can offer new perspectives that allow people to explore who they are beyond these emotional labels.

I found myself reflecting on the liberating power of simple shifts in language, from “I am anxious” to “I am feeling anxious right now.” That pause changes everything. It reminds us that emotions are designed to move and do not define us. When clients see this, they often regain clarity, confidence, and connection with themselves.

This episode is an invitation to lean into conversations around emotions in your coaching. It’s about helping clients see they are more than their feelings and guiding them towards new ways of being that support their goals and wellbeing.

Timestamps:

00:30 – Why emotions are central to coaching conversations
01:00 – How clients over-identify with emotions
02:20 – Understanding emotions as temporary and designed to move
03:20 – Shifting language: from “I am” to “I feel”
06:00 – Exploring fear and preparing for confidence
08:00 – The liberating effect of separating self from emotion
10:00 – Recognising the emotions gap in coaching
13:00 – Using metaphors and perspectives to unlock insight
15:00 – When positive emotions create internal conflict
17:00 – Spotting identity narratives in coaching conversations
19:00 – Resources and training opportunities

Key Lessons Learned:

Emotions are experiences, not identity. You are not your emotions.
Language matters, small shifts from “I am” to “I feel” can unlock new perspectives.
Over-identifying with both negative and positive emotions can create internal conflict.
Coaching provides space for clients to separate themselves from their emotional experiences.
Emotions coaching is about helping clients explore new perspectives, not telling them what to believe.
Emotions are designed to move, getting stuck in them often signals where coaching can help.

Keywords

emotions coaching, coaching and identity, confidence in coaching, separating self from emotions, emotional coaching principles, imposter syndrome coaching, managing anxiety in coaching, positive emotions and identity, coaching for emotional growth, language in coaching conversations,

Links & Resources